So I have what is called Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. We live in a time where we don’t like labeling ourselves but people label us anyway. So yes, after two degrees, five jobs, a marriage, at the age of 27 is when I had my first formal diagnosis of ADHD. Now, people tell me, it’s okay Reham. 1/4 people out there in the world have some form of the overlapping condition and neurotypical? That’s just a fancy term for basic. But what they don’t understand is, how difficult it truly is to be trapped in a mind, that is in a constant battle of staying focused.
It’s like your brain is a TV and a five-year-old with a remote is switching channels, so you jump from one to the next, with no correlation or whatsoever at any time of the day. Your emotions switch from joy to sadness to annoyance, to back to being yourself. And you’re there, at your job, at a meeting, trying to talk to your client, close an important deal, and not be tempted to scroll on your phone or get distracted by that bridge of their nose. It’s about pausing enough to actually listen, and not jump in or interrupt someone speaking. Or it’s about learning to slow down thinking so it matches your speech, so you speak without stuttering. All in all, you’re working twice as hard as someone else pretending normalcy. But, did it come with perks? Oh, hell yes! that I unfortunately as a child thought were abnormal/atypical. For example, I always really took 20 minutes to study for something I knew my peers had spent their entire day on. I oftentimes pretended I took longer cause I thought something was wrong with me. I still had a decent record and an academic GPA to earn a scholarship. My teachers had always said, great potential but easily distracted (duh). Terms such as great potential were something that was always coined, time and again. But no one told me, something called unfulfilled potential was also a reality.
I had learned to think outside the box early on you see. It just comes with the package. Because when your brain is wired to think multiple concepts in parallel all the time, understanding nuances, becomes easy. It helped me be a kinder person in general. Be a better empath. I’ve always been a fast people reader. It helped me never be stuck in relationships with the people I know it wouldn’t work with. On the contrary, also commit to relationships faster than others would find acceptable within normative boundaries. Conforming to norm in general, was something I also deeply struggled with. And for work, it helped me be a strategic thinker. At the age of 25, I took the courage to take on a role in leadership, with little to no experience, because I showed them I could. But people management for someone like me, those who could get overburdened with workplaces that are extremely toxic, can also be challenging. My that first real job, (which was truly a house of cards, ready to collapse), did not only teach me how sexism in the workplace can have a true effect on one’s mental health, but also experience the intersectional challenges that women of colour, need to face in our society on a daily basis. It also gave me the courage to quit and find and quit multiple jobs after, until I found one that served me the best.
These two fundamental points in my life were just met with so much criticism, that helped me realize, perhaps, I am atypical. People really don’t think like me. People really don’t think as fast, so they don’t make decisions as fast. So perhaps, people truly don’t at times know what it takes to not settle for less, for example, quitting a job, that no longer serves one dignity, or knowing when the right person comes along, not to waste time, because how much of that have we got really?
Now, at this point, you must be questioning, we see your problems Reham, but you are also displaying your strengths. So, where is your catch? The catch is although I am extremely aware of my journey. I have in all my experience met only a few — who stopped to listen. Stopped to not harshly judge. Stopped not drawing conclusions without knowing the whole story. Stopped to not be ignorant — bullies. Stopped not being threatened by my strengths and step on my toes, so they could feel better about themselves.
Most people are so incredibly unaware of mental health in general, let alone a specified condition, that in total affects 5.4% of the world’s global population. In a world of social media, that works hard to portray in all its fluff — perfection, vulnerability is scorned upon. Vulnerability is viewed as a weakness. Authenticity is seen as something to be preyed on. And extraordinary people are viewed as ordinary or even less than, because, lo behold, wouldn’t that be destructive, to their own petty and low self-image?
Therefore, my life’s mission now is to work hard. Work hard, excel, and truly just smile past the bullies. Spread awareness to those who may be going through similar issues. Reach out especially to the young girls and boys and let them know, it’s okay. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to be smart. It’s also okay to have flaws and even show them. And as per the words of Alessia Cara, “you don’t have to change a thing, the world can change its heart.” You don’t have to work hard to be normal. Because normalcy is boring, and normalcy is a privilege. But what you have is a true competitive advantage. You just have to start seeing it that way.
